By Dear Chizuko (Becky Hollingsworth) 30 Oct 2024
Becky and Luna, inspired by the Maitlands from Beetlejuice.
I’m starting to think that I might be a ghost.
It’s not only because of my frequent need to jump around and wave my arms so that I can be detected by automatic door sensors at Walgreens; other reasons are emerging, too.
For one thing, I don’t leave the house very often.
I’m frequently unsure of what day it is. And I have trouble letting things go.
Constant overwhelm and feeling that I have very little control over my time and space isn’t helping and has resulted in me literally ghosting people when they reach out about something important, and what’s more ghoulish than that?
Also, there’s the grief. The longer I live, the more loved ones I lose. While that’s just basic math, it also leaves me wondering - Am I haunted? Or am I the one doing the haunting?
Is this feeling an effect of not being grounded or connected enough? Is this all in my head, or is it possible that I’ve actually become a ghost?
I’m skeptical of getting assistance from self-help books or TikTok videos. Yet, however ironic it sounds, I am quite open to the possibility of gleaning knowledge from works of fiction, such as movies or books.
Therefore, if I am a ghost, I would like to consider how fictional ghosts are handling their problems. Hopefully I can identify some patron spirits who could be consulted for their wisdom. Welcome to School for Ghouls.
Some of these symptoms drew me to the first ghosts that came to mind, Adam and Barbara Maitland from Beetlejuice (1988).
At the beginning of the film, the Maitlands leave the house to run a quick errand. On the way back, their car goes through the side of a bridge and into the river after swerving to miss a dog. They return to the house dripping water onto the floor and find a roaring fire in the fireplace, which they don’t recall lighting before they left.
As the odd occurrences continue, they notice a book has appeared, titled Handbook for the Recently Deceased, and they realize they didn’t survive the accident.
The Maitlands soon discover that the Deetz family is moving into their home. They are horrified as the intruders begin to remove and remodel every sign that the Maitlands ever lived there, while they can only watch, unheard and unseen. The only chance they have to communicate is when they meet and connect with strange and unusual teenage goth, Lydia Deetz.
Something I’m curious about is how the Maitlands experience time as ghosts. It seems that time moves differently whenever they try to step outside, where they encounter an unwelcoming desert populated by giant worms trying to eat them. The same is true for time spent in the Netherworld. But I suspect that being a ghost probably does affect one’s experience of time. How could it not?
What I find most relatable about the Maitlands is that they seem okay with being dead at first, because they think that, ultimately, very little has changed. Regardless of losing track of time or not being able to leave, they are just going to keep their house the way they like and focus on their little projects. It’s when the Deetzes arrive and start changing things that the Maitlands realize they need to understand more about their place in the afterlife.
Having an actual instruction manual seems like it would be helpful, but the Handbook for the Recently Deceased is difficult to understand, so they reach out for help. The handbook does valuably inform them, “In case of emergency, draw a door.”
Translated into my life, I take this as a piece of wisdom that could mean create a portal. Physically, that could be either cleaning or updating my personal space or even changing my location by stepping outside to clear my head. Or it could mean finding a mental portal, through rituals intended to ground me in different areas on which I’d like to focus, like creative work. Or even going somewhere new that might bring inspiration, like a museum or a drive into the mountains.
As instructed, Adam Maitland literally draws a door on the wall with a piece of chalk. After knocking three times (in this film, three is definitely the magic number) the drawing opens so they can walk directly into the Netherworld.
In the Netherworld, they meet their afterlife caseworker, Juno. Exasperated by their cluelessness, Juno tells them, “Start simply. Do what you know. Use your talents. Practice.”
This seems like straightforward and solid advice, but I know from experience that when I am already feeling lost and overwhelmed, this is not what I want to hear. I want to be told exactly what to do and exactly how to do it. Unsurprisingly, the Maitlands attempt to find a quick and easy solution.